Firstly, I have to speak first because I have something to say.

Dear oh dear.

Is it true?
Am I writing a blog?

I s'pose it'll be easier to keep up with than an actual diary.
Plus I got a lot going on lately...

Lessee.

First item of business:

• It is exactly 4.58AM right nao.
• I am still awake.
• I am still awake, and on the internet.
• I am still awake, and on the internet, and writing "baby's first blog"
• Holy shit I have no life.

MFW this realization.

So besides my nao horrible massive depression erection,
I have one more item of discussion.
[Of course I'll be discussing it with myself but whahee~]

The epic horrible that is my situation with Tyler.
Here to be called...FFFFFFFFFFUU-.

So basically what's been going on is that a long time ago, in a land pretty much right where I'm laying, one of my boyfriend's very best friends, named Tyler, started texting me.
Which was quite nice of him, since I am a lonely clod of dirt with no friends.
Anyway, after a while of texting him, we started to discuss how we're both attention whores and flirty ones at that. [audience: buhwhaaaaat?! an attention whore with a blog?!] I know, I know.
So this speaking progressed into him basically confessing that he finds me super attractive and amazing. As I do him. But the awesome part about this is:

1. I have a boyfriend.
2. He has a girlfriend.
3. I really don't think he's srsbznz.

So, being a grain of salt person, I laughed it off. But, the boy is delicious on a stick. He just IS. Naturally, I couldn't let someone this super tasty slip away into the depths of my cynic mind so easily. Thus, I continue texting him. These texts continue for ages, progressing exponentially with their seriousness.
At one point, I was talking to him and my boyfriend's other friend who is also my friend Curtis on the phone. And while we were talking out loud, we were also texting naughty things back and forth. About how I could be naked on the phone with them and he would never know. He thought I was after that, which I s'pose is a better mental image for him than me wearing ratty old PJ pants and a huge flannel shirt. We started trailing off into what our mental images of each other were, and he sent me this ZOMFGZHOWDOIEVENDONTDOTHINGSLIKETHISWTFBBQ picture of him with his shirt off. I am not kidding you people, the boy is built to all ungodly hell.
of course, he was making a silly face in the picture, which dented the fappability and ended up saving me from my ultimate demise being within his pectorals.
So from then on, I accepted that I was probably kidding myself and allowed my heart to be swept away into the wild, unpredictable sea of Tyler-Texting, while my body lingered in a more distant way with my boyfriend David.

Nao, for reference: David is the most amazing hunk of flesh to have ever graced this universe with his presence. He's sweet, and a dork, and fun. He has his share of mama-drama but, without all that, who would anyone be?
Basically, David's and my relationship started when I first met him in guitar club. I had entered guitar club with no intentions other than to pursue this ridiculous douche bag John. That went on for years while meanwhile David sat in the background waving huge neon signs around saying that he loved me. He finally confessed to me in the end of my junior year and I accepted and we've been together ever since.
His mom is satan, his dad is an Irish whore-bag and his brother is a ball of fluffy marshmallow paste.

So, David and I are doing the usual hanging out and then late in the nights, Tyler and I are texting our lives away.
Recently, said texting has gotten deep into the NC-17 category of sex and so forth. Which would be not such a big deal if Tyler hadn't said something along the lines of:

"You know, if we ever got any alone time, I'm not sure what I'd do. It's tragic that we don't get to express our feelings for each other. I would be totally okay with doing a little thing without even letting our significant others know. I WILL KISS YOU THE NEXT TIME WE ARE ALONE."

Maybe not in so many words, but the implications are all there. But, the problem is that my mind is a dark and violent toilet which is always clogged. Once you put a thought in there, it swirls around and around without ever going away until it softens and stinks up the whole bathroom.
So, this thought of kissing him is stinking up my bathroom right nao.
And at first I was basically okay with this. Not so much the actual fact that I would be cheating on David, but that I would be pursuing the one reciprocal relationship I'd ever experienced.
David confessed to me, not the other way around. I ended up liking him, but at first, our relationship was not supposed to last in my mind. He grew on me. <3
And I would still be in this mind set if two days ago hadn't happened.
So two days ago: Curtis [the one referenced earlier] was over, hanging out, and he and I started discussing being frustrated with Tyler because he would never come over because he's always with his girlfriend, Kendra.
Kendra is a sweetheart btw. She doesn't seem to like me for idk what reason, but I still admire her from afar.
Of course I had my own reasons for being frustrated for not getting to see him, but besides the point. Curtis started talking about how Tyler had cheated on Kendra 4 times before.

MFW upon discovery.

And all of the other cheating situations had been him sending them pictures as well as them sending him pictures.
LIKE...
GODOMMOTCORTOS.
Why do you have to kill everything with your reality?
So then I felt the ultimate betrayal deep within my toilet-bowl-head and all the thoughts which had been swirling got the bleach of reality thrown on them. I texted Tyler later on that night.

Ryn: Tyler, am I the only person you ever flirt with hardcore like this?
Tyler: Yes you are. Why do you ask?

And I am unjustifiably mad at Tyler for basically being an asshole liar-pants.
The best way I can express this to him without losing my one outlet for unrelenting lust factory is by ignoring his texts.

IF HE WERE SENDING ME ANY.
._.

So that's that.

And I have to be picked up by David's Mom, [henceforth referred to as Satan or Wall Trout.] because she's taking David out to run errands and I want to use him to wash the filth of Tyler out of my imagination.

So I will be departing for this night.

• It is 5.38AM.

my life is a sad one.